by Sadhika devi dasi

Nama Om Vishnu Padaya Krishna Presthaya Bhutale
Srimate Gour Govinda Swami Iti Namine!

Namaste Gouranga Prema Datta Sri Nityananda Kripa Shri murthaye
Tvam sakshat Sri Krishna Chaitanya Prema Bhakti Rasa Vigraha
Jayate Gouranga Prema Yuga Acharya Shiromani
Sri Gour Govinda Swami Gurudevaya Namo Namah!

My dearest Lord and Master Srila Gurudeva,

Please accept my most humble obeisnaces at your pinkish divine lotus feet and bless me to write as you desire.  I am completely dependent on your mercy to write about your mercy.

sri-guru-charana-padma    kevala bhakati sadma
bando mui savadhana mate!

Srila Gurudeva only your divine lotus feet is transcendental abode of Krishna Prema Bhakti.   O’Merciful Divine Master let me take shelter at your divine lotus feet which radiates cooling rays that of millions of moons – Nitai Pada Kamala Koti Chandra Susitala – so a jiva like me who is burning in the blazing fire in this  samsara of three kinds of tapas can be doused and feel great relief from this untold miseries.

Srila Gurudeva, a lotus flower carries honey inside the core of its petals and by right this honey belongs to the aquatics who reside in that pond where this lotus flower is growing.  Unfortunately, this aquatics don’t have any need for this honey nor they are desiring it nor they know this exist.  However, from somewhere a bumble bee, who is not a water dweller, comes flying from the land, enters into the flower, glorifies the lotus and collects all the honey. Similarly, Srila Gurudeva i want to be that bumble bee who is ever thirsty for that padma madhu of Krishna Prema emanating from your lotus feet. Kindly make me that bumble bee who is only searching for that nectar which emanates from your divine merciful lotus feet. Even though i do not have the adhikara to be constantly with you Srila Gurudeva still i want to be like that bumble bee who is able to visit the flower for a short time yet collect the nectar – padam-madhu which is the only asset of that lotus flower.

jahara prasade bhai    ei bhava toriya jaai
krishna- prapti hoy jaha hoite!

Srila Gurudeva only by your causeless mercy will i ever be able to cross over the ocean of birth and death.  Srila Gurudeva i offer the following prayers at Your Divine Lotus Feet written by Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura song which perfectly depicts my pitiful pathetic condition.

Gurudeva! krpa-bindu diya,      koro’ ei dase,
trnapekha ati hina

sakala-sahane,       bala diya koro’,
nija-mane sprha-hina 

sakale sammana,        korite sakati,
deho’ natha! jathajatha,

tabe to’ gaibo,        hari-nama-sukhe,
aparadha ha’be hata

kabe heno krpa,        labhiya e jana,
krtartha hoibe natha!

sakti-buddhi-hina,       ami ati dina,
koro’ more atma-satha

jogyata-vicare,       kichu nahi pai,
tomara karuna sara

karuna na hoile,        kandiya kandiya,
prana na rakhibo ara [1]

Srila Gurudeva, the above prayers constantly reminding me that without the shelter of your divine lotus feet i am like a child encased in the womb of maya unless you deliver me out of your causeless mercy, i will be encased in this type of womb life after life.  Srila Gurudeva please deliver me and shower your causeless mercy and i beg you to protect me from this dense darkness by allowing me to taste the most wonderful  aromatic honey constantly emanating from your lotus feet,  as lotus allows bumble bee to suck its honey, please allow me to immerse myself into the purest form of Shrimati Radhika and Shree Krishna Prema transcendental honey. To continue to survive and get more honey bumble bee goes to one flower and then to another when there is no more honey left in the lotus flower; however, Srila Gurudeva transcendental honey emanating from your lotus feet is never ending and there is no need for a disciple to jump from one flower to other.

Srila Gurudeva i am completely dependent on your divine mercy. Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura’s prayers teaches that surrender at the lotus feet of Srila Gurudeva is the only way to save oneself from the blazing fire of material existence.  i have complete faith in the predecessor acarya’s words that taking shelter of your divine lotus feet is the only course i must take.

guru-mukha-padma-vaakya    cittete teh koriya aikya
ar na koriho mane asha!

Srila Gurudeva in your own divine words you have said the following:

“If you want to hear Krishna Katha you must hear from the bonafide authority, someone who is cent percent engaged in the loving service of Krishna.  Every moment, day and night, twenty-four hours he is engaged in loving service to Krishna.  Not for his own.  So, Pariksith Maharaja is in a dying condition.  “How can I get the supreme gain – that is Krishna – in a very short time?”  So, how can one get it?  Unless one develops prema, how can one get it?  Krishna becomes bound up with love.  Sada muktopi bhaddha ‘smi bhaktera sneha rajyubhi: “Although I am eternally free, supremely independent, still, I become bound up with the rope of love of My devotee.”  That is pure love.  So, how one can develop such pure love?  By hearing – sruteksit-patham; sruti iksita. (Bhag. 3.9.11)  If you hear from such a person, a Vaishnava who is completely fixed, or situated, on this loving platform, day and night, twenty-four hours in loving service to Krishna, you will develop such prema.  By hearing and surrendering unto him – atma-nivedanam – completely dedicating yourself at the lotus feet of such a Vaisnava, putting complete faith in his words, for the pleasure of Guru and Gauranga, if you hear with this attitude, you will develop Krsna-Prema.  Your heart will be purified,

srnvatam sva-kathah krsnah, punya-sravana-kirtanah
hrdy-antah-stho hy abhadrani, vidhunoti suhrt satam
(Bhag. 1.2.17) 

If you hear such Krishna Katha, which is all auspicious, and transcendental, not material, it will cleanse the contamination, or dirty things from your heart.  Your heart will be purified, if you do otherwise your heart cannot be purified.  And the purpose is that you hear, or render this service – this is the first service; this navada-bhakti begins with hearing – for the pleasure of Guru and Gauranga, Guru and Krishna.  Surrender for Their pleasure.  Pariksit Maharaja did it, and in a very short time he got the supreme gain, that is Krishna Prema, so he got Krishna.  In the history of the world you will never find that in such a short time one gets the supreme gain.  Is there?  No.  In such a short time – without any qualification,  a diseased condition – how can one get it in such circumstances?  So, this is the example for us.  Pariksit Maharaja has set the example.”  Sri Guru Vandana

Please kindly bless me to constantly remember the following verse from Srimad Bhagavad Gita spoken by Adi Guru Jagat Guru Sri Krishna reiterated by your merciful self.

Cetasa sarva-karmani, Mayi sannyasya mat-parah
Buddhi-yogam upasritya, Maccittah satatam bhava

 “In all activities just depend upon Me and work always under My protection.  In such devotional service, be fully conscious of Me.” BG 18.57

 Mac-cittah sarva-durgani, Mat-prasadat tarisyasi
Atha cet tvam ahankaran, Na srosyasi vinanksyasi

“If you become conscious of Me, you will pass over all the obstacles of conditional life by My grace.   If, however, you do not work in such consciousness but act through false ego, not hearing Me, you will be lost.”

Yo yo yam yam tanum bhaktah
Sraddhayarcitum icchati
Tasya tasyacalam sraddham
Tam eva vidadhamy aham

I am in everyone’s heart as the Supersoul.  As soon as one desires to worship the demigods, I make his faith steady so that he can devote himself to some particular deity.”  (BG 7.21)

Srila Gurudeva, Sri Krishna in Srimad Bhagavad Gita says, “that as soon one desires to worship the demigods, He makes their faith steady and so the worshipper can devote himself to some particular deity. ”   Srila Gurudeva, you are my worshipable Lord, i have only one desire and prayer life after life is that the Supreme Soul of this universe make my faith steady like the Himalaya mountain so i can only think of my Srila Gurudeva’s lotus feet and devote myself in worshipping that divine lotus feet.

sri-guru-charane-rati     ei se uttama-gati
je prasade pure sarve asha!

Srila Gurudeva, there is no higher destination or great pleasure other than attachment to your divine lotus feet and transcendental happiness one receives by resting one’s head at the lotus feet of your divine grace is the highest mercy one can get.  Srila Gurudeva, i want to place my head at your divine lotus feet – like a dog who always sits at her master’s feet by placing her head – while you are absorbed in the pastimes of divine couple Sri Sri Radha Gopal.  Srila Gurudeva attachment to you and your divine lotus feet results in Shrimati Radhika and Sri Krishna’s Prema Bhakti which is the highest destination for an aspiring devotee.

Srila Gurudeva in the following excerpts from your teaching in your own divine words you confirm that attachment to your lotus feet is same as attachment to the lotus feet of Sri Krishna.

Both siksa-guru and diksa-guru are the representative of Krsna and their krpa, mercy is unlimited mercy. There is no difference between siksa-guru and diksa-guru. 

yadyapi amara guru—caitanyera dasa
tathapi janiye ami tanhara prakasa [2]

Although my Guru is dasa, servant of Chaitanya, still I know he is His manifestation, tanhara prakasa. This is tattva. Therefore, we say Gurudeva, Sri Gurudeva, is krsna-krpa-sri-murti. He is the embodiment of Krsna-krpa, the mercy of Krsna. When Krsna-krpa assumes a body and appears before us, that is Sri Guru. That Sri Guru is known as Krsna-krpa-sri-murti, the embodiment of the mercy of Krsna. So, if someone develops guru-bhakti, only then will he have the chance to get Krsna. (Sri Guru Vandana)

saksad-dharitvena samasta-sastrair
uktas tatha bhavyata eva sadbhiù
kinto prabhor yaù priya eva tasya
vande guroù sri-caranaravindam [3]

“The Spiritual Master is honored as much as the Supreme Lord because he is the most confidential servitor of the Lord. This is acknowledged in all revealed scriptures and is followed by all authorities. Therefore, I offer my most respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of my Spiritual Master, who is a bona fide representative of Lord Hari.”

cakshu-daana dilo jei   janme janme prabhu sei
divya-gyan hrdaya prakashitho! 

Srila Gurudeva by your causeless mercy bestow me the transcendental vision to see that  there is no difference between you and the one who dwells in my heart and to see that you are both my Lord life after life.  O’ merciful master please if this is unshakeable truth then enlighten my heart with transcendental knowledge.  Srila Gurudeva, just like a house that has been in darkness for thousand years gets illumination with connection to electricity.  The thousand years of darkness is gone with one flick of switch same way Srila Gurudeva my heart has been in darkness of ignorance for so many lifetimes and will continue to remain in darkness unless you ignite the flame of transcendental knowledge and drive out the darkness born out of lifetime of ignorance.

It is a known fact that  Sri Guru Krishna Paramatma residing in every living entities heart exist exclusively only for the purpose of showering mercy on the jiva, the mercy He carries is likened to the milk (mercy) that a cow (Sri Krishna Paramatma) carries in her udder (Srila Gurudeva) for her calf (jiva).  Srila Gurudeva, unless the calf (the jiva)  put his/her mouth to the udder (Srila Gurudeva’s lotus feet) the cow (Krishna Paramatma) will not give the milk (mercy in the form of transcendental knowledge).  Srila Gurudeva, Sri Guru Krishna Paramatma does not give the above mentioned mercy unless the jiva surrender at Sri Guru Krishna Paramatma’s external manifestation that is you Srila Gurudeva.

“tesam evanukampartham aham ajnana-jam tamah
nasayamy atma-bhava-stho jnana-dipena bhasvata” 

“To show them special mercy, I, dwelling in their hearts, destroy with the shining lamp of knowledge the darkness born of ignorance.” (BG 10.11).

Again this is confirmed from your divine teachings that you Srila Gurudeva, is non-different from one who resides in my heart, you are my Lord birth after birth.

yasya deve para bhaktir, yatha deve tatha gurau
tasyaite kathita hy arthaù, prakasante mahatmanah [4]

 “Only unto those great souls who have implicit faith in both the Lord and the spiritual master are all the imports of Vedic knowledge automatically revealed.” [SU 6.23] 

This is what Svetasvatara Upanisad (6.23) says: “Only unto those great souls who have implicit faith in both the Lord and the spiritual master are all the imports of Vedic knowledge automatically revealed.” Because there is no difference between guru-bhakti and Krsna-bhakti, thus one who develops the same type of bhakti for the Guru as he develops for Krsna, is a very fortunate soul, and unto him all transcendental knowledge will be revealed, or manifest. It will never manifest otherwise.”  (Sri Guru Vandana)

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakura also says the same thing in his writings.

 “The guru is the embodiment of the manifestation of the divinity to the pure receptive spiritual essence of the disciple. The guru is the real and original recipient of the Truth. He communicates his knowledge to the disciple. The disciple is too small a particle to be able by himself to receive the whole truth. He is enabled to receive Him through the power of the guru. The guru, as it were, takes the disciple by the hand and guides his every step on the plane of the Absolute. It is perpetual tutelage on the part of the disciple. This fact may be expressed in another way. The cognitive faculty of the individual soul can have no ground to stand upon unless the Divinity Himself condescends to be the legs as well as the ground on which he is to stand to func­tion at all. This function of the divinity is performed by the guru. As a matter of fact the Divinity actually reveals Him only to Himself. The individual soul is a separable constituent of the guru. it is only when he happens to be associated by his own free choice with the guru in a completely dependent manner that he can be on the plane of the guru’s service of the Divinity. He may or may not choose to be so associated. The guru may or may not choose to admit him to his association. When there is active willing assent to such association on the part of both then it is possible for the individual soul to attain to the service of the Divinity in the really conscious form.”

“As a matter of fact the Divinity actually reveals Him only to Himself.” All this means is that the Divinity (Krishna Paramatma) reveals Him (Srila Gurudeva) only to Himself (Divinity).  Again this is confirmed from your divine teachings that you Srila Gurudeva is non-different from One who resides in my heart, you are my Lord birth after birth.

prema-bhakati jaha hoite     avidya vinasha jate
vede gaaya jahaara charito

 Srila Gurudeva , you are Sri Krishna Chaitanya Prema Bhakti Rasa vigraha in your presence i never felt the presence of darkness of ignorance rather due to love for you i was always focused on serving you and thinking about you.  I didn’t realize until i met your divine self what is the meaning of  Krishna Prema bhakti.  Srila Gurudeva in your presence i realized, that Krishna Prema means self-annihilating for Krishna, meaning focusing on Krishna so much to the point of forgetting oneself.

Srila Gurudeva you are transcendental teacher and you teach everything by example not theoretical, i always saw you in separation from Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha Gopal and your transcendental lotus eyes were always soaked with tears of love for Sri Krishna.  All your transcendental pastimes always guided us and showed us that only you can give us Krishna Prema because sastra says that you are Krishna priya jana, Radha priya dasi, Radha priya sakhi and you are that Srila Gurudeva who has manifest in this universe to give Krishna Prema Bhakti.    In your own words you have confirmed this Srila Gurudeva.

“Sri Guru is Krsna-priya-jana; he is very dear to Krsna. He is an eternal associate of Krsna, Radha-priya-dasi, a dear girl companion of Radharani. He is Radha-priya-sakhi, dear girl companion of Radharani, Radha-dasi, maidservant of Radharani, like Rupa Manjari, that is Sri Guru. The mula-guru-tattva, original guru-tattva is Nityananda-tattva. So by gradual descending Sri Guru has come to us which is the mercy manifestation of Nityananda Prabhu, that is Nityananda-tattva; He has come to us. So Nitaicand is both diksa-guru and siksa-guru. Also caittya-guru is the manifestation of Nitaicand. He is guru-tattva. Only difference is the activities, lilas, nothing else. Therefore, we sing this song, sri-guru-carana-padma. This is the significance as to why the feet of Sri Guru are compared to the lotus flower.” (Sri Guru Vandana)

 sri-guru karuna-sindhu    adhama janara bandhu
lokanath lokera jivana

 Srila Gurudeva you are ocean of mercy, friend of poor and downtrodden, lord and life of this universe.  You manifested here in this world to deliver conditioned souls like me otherwise why would you come to this godforsaken world full of miseries where there is nothing but inauspiciousness.  If there was any auspiciousness that i ever had in my life that was you Srila Gurudeva other than my life has been full of darkness until you came and saved me from this blazing fire of material existence.  Before meeting you i had nothing now i have everything, without your mercy i am nothing, without you i am a fish out of water.

Your merciful glance is like the rain drops for a chataka bird like me, I will wait for that rain drop to fall into my mouth, just like the chataka bird who does not want any other water than rain drops same way i do not want anything else other than your merciful glance and shelter at your divine lotus feet.  Srila Gurudeva, life after life i have only one desire that I remain your disciple and keep your divine lotus feet on my head in waking condition, sleeping condition and in all walks of life.  Srila Gurudeva my master, my father, my mother please pitifully crying i beg you O’ my merciful Lord please never abandon me because i have no qualification rather save me because you are known as patita pavan in this universe.  Srila Gurudeva, please give me shelter at your divine lotus feet, let me leave this body remembering and carrying your two divine lotus feet in my heart and mind.

Srila Gurudeva there is other part of me that knows no shastras, no knowledge and it cries in separation from you, knowing perfectly well that you are always present, still … i am pathetically crying and begging…O! Srila Gurudeva, I do not know what is my eternal relationship with you, I do not know who you are? whose manifestation you are? Are you Krishna or Balaram? Are you Gaura or Nitai? Are you Shree Radha Priay Sakhi or Shree Radha Priay manjari? For me you are everything that ever existed that will ever exists , that is always Eternal — I have no one else but you as my guide, as my master, you are the sum total of all the relationships that ever existed and will ever exist. You are the Lord of my heart.

I am not at all anxious to find Krishna, I am not at all anxious for salvation, I am not at all anxious to be a gyani all I want, life after life is to serve your divine lotus feet. Srila Gurudeva, can I stay with you forever?  Can I hide in the shade of your merciful lotus feet?  Separation from you is a poison that I drink every day but Alas! I do not know how my body is able to survive despite this poison? Is it because once you put your merciful – amartmaya – nectarian glance on me? I am wondering about the wonderful effect of this nectar and poison- burning and still relishing.

Srila Gurudeva! O! ocean of transcendental bliss, O! compassionate to all living and non-living entities, O! personification of humility Your glories are like millions of shinning suns and your association is pleasing and cooling like millions of moons, it is impossible to conceive Your multifarious characteristics!  Alas! I cannot even touch to glorify even your most basic quality of insurmountable love you showered on all living entities.

Beggar at Your Lotus Feet
Yours sadhika devi dasi

Monday, September 17, 2012.


[1] Saranagati, Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura

[2] Caitanya-caritamrta, Adi-lila 1.44

[3] Sri Sri Gurv-astaka, Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura

[4] Svetasvatara Upanisad, 6.23