by Gaura Bhakta dasi

Vyasa Puja 2012

Namo Om Vishnu padaya Krsna Prestaya Bhutale
Srimate Bhaktivedanta Swamin iti namine

Namah Om Vishnu Padaya Krishna Preshtaya Bhutale
Shrimate Gour Govinda Swami Iti Namine

All glories to His Divine Grace Srila Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada
All glories to His Divine Grace Srila Gour Govinda Swami Srila Gurudeva
All glories to Sri Guru, Sri Gauranga and Sri Jagannath

Please accept my humble obeisances again and again at Your lotus feet
Please accept this meager offering of glorification from one without words or wisdom.

No matter how much time and space comes between us, I feel Your grasp stronger than ever. Thank you for not letting go…even when I did. At times I am fully aware it is You that fills my lungs with air, illuminates my heart and allows me an understanding unique and far beyond my qualifications. And on all levels of life it is You that provides for me all that I need to succeed. All that I possess is Your mercy, nothing more nothing less. Even when I flop, fail and fall, which I do daily. You continue to carry me, to bear my burden, and sustain my soul. Without You there is no joy, what to speak of any type of access to the spiritual world. Without You what shall we possess…only ugliness. Without You we will forever suffer our fate with the continual cycle beginning in the womb and ending in a tomb. Without You I am lost, blind and all alone…You are our only ever well-wishing friend the only one that is truly kind. You are the Acharya, You descended here to spread love of God and speak Krishna Katha. Orissa is the state where Heaven meets Earth, only because that is where You appeared. Someday that state will build monuments dedicated to Your Divine Grace and the world over will sing Your glories. Being in close proximity to you was amazing knowing my great fortune and now I see it is because You are divinity personified… bonafide. And I will not believe for a moment that Your suffering was in vain. Your pure breath and blood that flowed for us can not be null and void. If nothing happens without the will of Krishna, then this must all be a part of Your Divine Lila. May I be given the voice and vision to do my part in properly glorifying You and not forget for a moment that I am nothing without You.

Gaura Bhakta dasi

Sept 17, 2012

Gurudeva! krpa-bindu diya, koro’ ei dase,
trnapekha ati hina

Journal Entry 1995 BBSR, India

I am spinning around and around, being controlled by a greater force. Like a puppet on a string I feel like putty in His hands. He can make me dance, or make me sing, and upon hearing His ecstatic bhajan I thought I’d actually go insane. If only I possessed a heart I would bestow it to Him and He would be my every thing….everlasting. As I sit on this planet among millions of species…I see only His sweet face smiling back at me. Until my ego surfaces to guide me away from the beauty He displays. With my hands bound by my desires, I am a pitiful mess. Even when I wear the dress, pretense is such I can not pass the test. But with Your mercy Srila Gurudeva, I can somehow see who You are. The radiance You exude is immense and at times intense. You are the embodiment of Prema / Tattva. You are one without material wants or worry. Your knowledge is infinite and Your insight remarkable. Your only objective seems to be helping the masses transcend their limited understanding. Not for the want of fame and fortune, they hold no appeal to someone so exalted. Your motive is a bleeding heart, literally Your heart bleeds spiritual blood for the suffering…for me. If only I had something of worth to give in return. But I am a pauper, a thief, void of any value, I am bankrupt in this world without You.

Srila Gurudeva ki Jaya!