he guro jnana-da dina-bandho
“O spiritual master, O giver of divine wisdom, O friend of the fallen, you are the giver of your own bliss and you are the only ocean of mercy. Although dwelling in Vrindavana, you have descended for the welfare of fallen souls like myself and you are preaching the divine love of Radha for Krishna. Please be kind upon me.”
tvam gopika vrisharaves tanayantike ‘se
sevadhikarini guro nija-pada-padme
dasyam pradaya kuru mam vraja-kanane shri-
radhanghri-sevana-rase sukhinim sukhabdhau
“O beloved spiritual master, you are always in the presence of the cowherd girl Radha, the daughter of King Vrishabhanu. Please award me service at your lotus-like feet, which are the proprietors of devotional service. Please place me in the ocean of joy by bestowing upon me happiness in the mellows of service at the feet of Sri Radha in the groves of Vraja Dhama.”
Dear Guru Maharaja,
I offer my dandavat pranams at your lotus feet. Again and again.
Your dear disciple, my dear friend and gurubhai Nimai Pandit prabhu just wrote to me again asking if I wish to write something to mark your disappearance anniversary tomorrow. Some days ago, I had begun writing something. I had something planned, but now as I begin to write seriously everything changes. No matter what I want to say in your glorification, and there is so much to say, whenever I write about Your Divine Grace I just end up writing the same points, about how you are just so kind. You gave everything for us, for our benefit alone. You are absolutely ‘selfless’, and you desire for us, your spiritual children, nothing but the highest benefit. That is your ardent desire. It is overwhelming, so no matter how I plan to write, I always end up writing about this most glorious aspect of Your Divine Grace.
Guru Maharaja, you for us you are the personified form of Krsna’s mercy. It is described that just as ice is the solidified form of water, similarly when the Lord’s grace, the Lord’s mercy solidifies it takes on the form of Sri Guru, and in that form cools the heart of his disciples with his nectarean Krsna katha and guidance. You took on this role when you came here and stayed for some time, serving the mission of your beloved Gurudeva, Srila Prabhupada.
There is no question that you were most loving, concerned and so very kind to us. Your valuable time was spent simply for our benefit, for the welfare of your disciples. It was your mission to give to us that highest gift, which you made clear on many occasions. For example, even at the time of giving us initiation you would say ‘I wish that in this very life you get Krsna prema, and get Krsna.’ That was your hope for us, your desire.
You explained that all we had to do was simply grasp tightly onto the mercy you were giving us. That mercy from you came in the form of your instructions, which you likened to a rope onto which we have to cling, and never let go. If we could do that, simply hang on tenaciously, follow your instructions, you would do all the work. You would take us to Krsna. You would give us Krsna prema, you would take us to Krsna. Such a chance you gave us.
Srila Gurudeva, the time before we first fell at your divine lotus feet was simply preparation – our real life began when you agreed to accept us as your sisyas. The following six years or so that we spent in and around your divine presence was our real life. That was true life. But all too soon everything came to an end. Since then I personally have been as if in some dream world. It seems to me now that spiritually I have totally wasted these past eighteen years, the years since you performed your final manifest lilas here.
However, it is not yet too late. Your divine instructions are still there. That opportunity is still there for me to become a true recipient of your mercy, which is what you truly want. I hope and pray that now I can take up those ropes, that now this time I will hold on tightly. I hope that your lovingly merciful and kind wishes for me will come to pass.
Your foolish disciple Janeswar dasa