by Bhakta Svarupa dasa

I bring my most humble obeisances to the divine, soothing lotus feet of our eternally beloved  Om Visnupada  Parivrajacacharya Astotara Sri Srimad Gour Govinda Maharaja.

Dear Gurudeva,
I know that you know how fallen I am so I will skip that part and move on to express to you my deepest gratitude although I will never be able to do this properly and will never be able to repay you. It was you who miraculously by the mercy of His divine grace Srila Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada Maharaja, my beloved eternal grandfather, came into my life and made everything that I had heard and read up till that point in his books tangible.

Like paramgurudeva was the supreme merciful gift to us by Krishna on his birth celebration day, Nandotsava, you were the supreme gift of him to us to continue his legacy after his departure. We cannot begin to calculate our good fortune.

The last time I was with you in your physical presents we were in  your car on our way to Gadai-giri and the whole way you were spontaneously  giving a class on what the disciple should do when the guru leaves. At first I was thinking: “Why is Guru Maharaja speaking on this topic? He is still young and will be with us for many more years. He is not an old man and his health is good.” I could never imagine that, that would be our last trip together. If only I had known at the time.

I remember the class vividly as you had taught us to very attentively listen when guru speaks.  I can remember you saying that the disciple should not go hither and thither but should patiently wait for the arrangement of guru and that the guru would see from the spiritual sky how pitiful the disciple will cry and then the guru will shower his mercy. When you finally left shortly thereafter our vision I understood why you were speaking this topic.

As you were gifted to me by the mercy of Srila Prabhupada the both of you gifted me with Srila Naryana Mahraja. You were the first who gave me some idea of the prominence of Srimati Radhika in our line and when I heard Srila Narayana Mahraja speak it was exactly almost word for word like hearing you speak and I knew that you had showered your mercy upon me. To be sure I did not want to jump but prayed and cried and one ekadasi night while I was chanting I fell a sleep and you and Prabhupada came in my dream to tell me to take full shelter of Srila Narayana maharaja which I did.

You installed, engraved in our hearts guru-tattva and that we should never make compromise with or settle for less than hearing grantha-bhagavat from a genuine bhakta-bhagavat. We are still reaping the benefit of this. Now the three of you have joint in aprakat lilla again in a short time you have graced me with you divine blessing and made sure there will be no compromise in the hearing process.

Although totally undeserving and unworthy please keep dishing out the mercy so that I will always be able to continue to hear from the right source, I’m sure that one day I will become a true disciple. This is my only wish and desire for this live, to have sad-guru-bhakti. Then this human birth will be successful.

I pray again and again for this mercy dear Gurudeva.

Aspiring for your eternal service,
Bhakta Svarupa dasa